Sometimes I feel so very lost.
I’m not lost in a way that I don’t have goals, or because I’m
not making the effort to be the best version of me I can be. The fact is, I
feel like I have too many goals and too many dreams, and what’s confusing me is
that they all seem so close yet so far. I feel as if I’m standing at a fork in
a road that’s splitting into a million paths and dear Robert Frost, why is it
that they all look so inviting?
I ask my teachers what I should pursue, and they say
something that I’m good at. Well I have proof that I can appear to be good at things
I’m not exactly thrilled about. For one thing, I get straight A’s, so that
doesn’t really help. For another thing, although this year was my first year as
President of the Student Council it’s been my fifth year as class representative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m
certainly grateful - but if there’s one thing I know I won’t be doing with my life, it’s politics.
My parents have always been very supportive of my freedom
and maintain that as long as I am trying my best, nothing else matters. But
deep down I understand that they want me to study economics and business,
because it’s what they’ve pursued and loved and it’s what they know will secure
me a good place in life. But I’ve never been a person for numbers and
statistics, and I doubt I will excel at something I feel so unexcited about.
Although who knows, I’ve never tried it. And you know what they say, don’t scratch
it till you’ve tried it.
All my friends seem to be so sure of their futures. They
want to be dentists, or graphic designers, or businesswomen. And I wonder, am I
the one who’s pondering too little, or am I the one who’s pondering too much? I
mean, how can somebody honestly want
to be a dentist? I’m not dissing these goodhearted beings that want to help
others, but seriously. Teeth?
See, the only thing bad about going to a small private
school is that the students have so little options to choose from. I’m never
going to get to take Intro to Archaeology
or Intro to Sociology or any of
these ‘exotic’ things that remain mysteries to me. I guess I will just have to
experiment after I get to university, which is something I’m really looking forward to. It’s going to
be a big change for me, and I’m the kind of person who actively seeks change
like it’s a something amusing.
But all jokes aside, when I flip open my heart and empty out
its contents, the only things I genuinly seem
to love are travel, photography and literature. And eating, but that
probably doesn’t count. Now it sounds like I want to be a traveling
photographer who doodles little poems into her pocket notebook, but don’t
worry, I’m quite the sensible girl. Although it certainly would be quite blissful to make a living on what probably seems
like a perpetual holiday. The only thing is, I haven’t been training as
painstakingly for photography and design my whole life, but I do know people
who have. And I think I certainly don’t deserve to succeed in the field as much
as they do. On the other hand, I have been writing and loving literature my
whole life. So maybe, just maybe I will follow that arrow and
become a journalist or an author or such?
You know, just so I can throw something out there when yet
another stranger thinks he’s trying to be friendly by asking me about my
future.
-JULIE
